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The Characters ::  The House - Wilson Friendship in Quotes
       "This stupid, screwed up friendship."

House & Wilson
Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) consults
with Dr. James Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard)
in the HOUSE episode "The Socratic Method"
2005 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
Credit: Richard Foreman/FOX
What Dr. Gregory House says about his friend:
  • "You love everybody. That's your pathology." [#107]
  • "You're the responsible one." [#107]
What Dr. James Wilson says to and about his friend:
  • "No wonder you're such a renowned diagnostician. You don't need to actually know anything to figure out what's wrong." [#101]
  • "You are uniquely qualified in many areas but office politics is not one of them." [#116]
  • "I have a friend with boundary issues." [#219]
  • "They could build monuments to your self-centeredness." [#219]
Dialogue, Scenes, Quotes to/about Each Other:
  • House: "You're the oncologist; I'm just a lowly infectious disease guy."
    Wilson: "Hah, yes: just a simple country doctor." [#101]
  • House: "I asked you why you want me to treat him."
    Wilson: "He's sick, I care, I'm pathetic."
    House: "There are about a billion sick people on the planet, why this one?"
    Wilson: "Because this one's in our emergency room."
    House: "Ah, so it's a proximity issue. If somebody was sick in the third floor stairwell that's who we would be talking about."
    Wilson: "Yes, I checked the stairwell, it's clear." [#103]
  • Wilson: "That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality."
    House: "Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain." [#103]
  • Wilson: "You will lie, cheat and steal to get what you want, but you're incapable of kissing a little ass?"
    House: "Well, we all have our limitations." [#103]
  • Wilson: "Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth."
    House: "And triteness kicks us in the nads."
    Wilson: "So true."
    House: "This doesn't bother you?"
    Wilson: "That you were wrong? I try to work through the pain."
    House: "I was not wrong. Everything I said was true. It fit. It was elegant."
    Wilson: "So, reality was wrong."
    House: "Reality is almost always wrong." [#103]
  • House: "Make a note: I should never doubt myself."
    Wilson: "I think you'll remember. You know, it wouldn't hurt you to be wrong now and then." [#103]
  • House: "I recognize that confidence is not my short suit. I also recognize that I am human and capable of error."
    Wilson: "So you might have screwed this up?"
    House: "No."
    Wilson: "So, it's only a theoretical capacity for error."
    House: "Good point. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe that's my error."
    Wilson: "You know, most people who think as much of themselves as you do like to talk about themselves."
    House: "Most people don't like to listen, so what's wrong with you?" [#105]
  • Wilson: "Maybe it's just divine will."
    House: "It's not my will."
    Wilson: "You do realize if you're wrong, about the big picture that is, you're going to burn, right?"
    House: "What do you want me to do? Accept it, pack it in?"
    Wilson: "Yeah. I want you to accept that sometimes patients die against all reason. Sometimes they get better against all reason."
    House: "No, they don't. We just don't know the reason." [#105]
  • Wilson: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that?"
    House: "Yeah. And you're the good guy."
    Wilson: "At least I try."
    House: "As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want."
    Wilson: "And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want."
    House: "So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!" [#107]
  • House (reading from a file): "Wilson, James. Boy wonder oncologist. You know him?"
    Wilson: "You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another. Of course, in Swedish, the word friend can also be translated as 'limping twerp'." [#110]
  • Wilson: "Did your pager really just go off, or are you ditching the conversation?"
    House: "Why can't both be true? Come on." [#110]
  • Wilson: "You know what, I'm not interested."
    House: "Not curious?"
    Wilson: "No, because I'm well-adjusted." [#110]
  • Wilson reacting to one of the many crazy things House says: "Even I don't like you."
    House: "You know, words can hurt!" [#113]
  • Wilson after House seems to ask his advice: "This is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part.... [later] I was wrong! This is the musing-out-loud part! Do I actually need to be here?" [#113]
  • Wilson: "You're my friend."
    House: "Oh, jeez. Have some backbone. If you think I'm wrong, do something."
    Wilson: "Wait, you're getting mad at me for sticking up for you?"
    House: "You value our friendship more than your ethical responsibilities."
    Wilson: "Our friendship is an ethical responsibility." [#114]
  • Wilson: "You've made it quite clear that you're miserable here."
    House: "I am not miserable."
    Wilson: "You're not happy."
    House: "And you are?"
    Wilson: "With my job, yes."
    House: "I am exactly where I want to be doing exactly what I want to do."
    Wilson: "I think I sense a hint of sarcasm there." [#116]
  • House (looking over information on a drug he has been ordered to give a speech about): "House: I am selling my soul."
    Wilson: "Just a little piece. And you are getting something in return."
    House: "I said I was selling it. I didn't say I was giving it away. That would be immoral, and stupid. All they've done is added antacid."
    Wilson: "Does it work?"
    House:: "That's not the point!"
    Wilson: "Well, of course it's the point! He's not asking you to lie, he's not asking you to do something illegal."
    House: "He's not asking me to do anything."
    Wilson: "He's not ordering you. He gave you a choice. You chose your staff. I know this isn't easy for you. You'll suffer. Vicodin sales in Jersey will triple. But you are doing a good thing. Only you could feel like crap for doing something good." [#117]
  • House (thinking about a diagnosis): "You know, when the Inuit go fishing, they don't look for fish."
    Wilson (when the team look to him to ask the obvious question that no one else will ask, he sighs and plays his part): "Why, Dr. House?"
    House: "They look for the blue heron, because there's no way to see the fish. But if there's fish, there's gonna be birds fishing. Now, if he's got hairy-cell, what else are we gonna see circling overhead?" [#117]
  • House (hearing Wilson was voted off the board because of his vote not to fire House): "So you're off the board, big deal. Frees up Wednesday nights for bowling. You're still a doctor---"
    Wilson (interrupting): "Yeah, getting dumped looks great in Who's Who. Vogler gave me the option of resigning, and I took it."
    House: "Big of him."
    Wilson: "I've got no kids, my marriage sucks; I've only got two things that work for me: this job and this stupid, screwed-up friendship, and neither mattered enough to you to give one lousy speech."
    House: "They mattered. If I could do it all again---"
    Wilson (interrupting): "You'd do the same thing. Well, you'll be gone soon, too."
    House (returning to the needs of his current patient): "Those clinical trials?"
    Wilson (accepting that to House the life of his patient trumps everything else): "I'll make some calls." [#118]
  • House (about Wilson telling people they are dying): "This buddy of mine, I gotta give him ten bucks every time somebody says Thank you. Imagine that. This guy's so good, people thank him for telling them that they're dying.... I don't get thanked that often." [#121]
  • House: "You see grace because you want to see grace."
    Wilson: "You don't see grace because you won't go anywhere near her."
    House: "Idolizing is pathological with you people. You see things to admire where there's nothing."
    Wilson: "Yeah, well, we're evil."
    House: "You find things to admire where you shouldn't be sniffing at all; like Debbie in accounting."
    Wilson: "She's nice."
    House: "You shouldn't know that, you're married." [#202]
  • Stacy to Wilson about House: "He had that smug look on his face when he's that pleased about something, he's got to tell somebody and the only somebody he knows is you." [#203]
  • House & Wilson
    House (Hugh Laurie) and Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard) discuss treating a patient on FOX.
    2005 FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
    Credit: Dean Headner/FOX.
    Wilson complaining to House: "You used me to avoid seeing your parents."
    House: "What do you care?"
    Wilson: "I don't. I just thought it might be interesting to find out why."
    House: "You could have just asked."
    Wilson: "You would have lied."
    House: "And you would have believed me. Which would have kept us both happy." Wilson turns away from this "down the rabbit hole" conversation "You want your money back? Is that what this is about?
    Wilson [in disbelief]: "No. Wait - well - have you got the money?" House gets out his checkbook. "If you have the money then why did you need the loan."
    House: "I didn't. I just wanted to see if you would give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts since you lent me $40 a year ago. Little experiment to see where you draw the line."
    Wilson [now feeling that he is at the bottom of the rabbit hole]: "You're &8212; you're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?"
    House: "It's five grand. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. So, what do you say. One little phone call, one big check."
    Wilson [taking the check]: "Fine. Thanks. Now, be a grown up and either tell mommy and daddy you don't want to see them or I'm picking you up for dinner at seven."
    House: "What do you mean? You just said—"
    Wilson: "I lied. I've been lying to you in increasing amounts ever since I told you you looked good unshaved a year ago. It's a little experiment. You know, to see where you draw the line." [#205]
  • House after Wilson talks to the 15 year old Faith Healer at House's request: "You have a gift for manipulation."
    Wilson: "I listen, I have an actual conversation with people. Which shockingly does raise the odds that they'll be co-operative."
    House: "That's what I'm saying. You read that kid, then manipulated the hell out of him." [#219]
  • House: "Half the doctors who specialize in oncology turned into burned out cases, but you. You eat neediness."
    Wilson: "Lucky for you...."
    House: "You're a functional vampire. Sure you're heroic, useful to society, but only because it feeds you.... You don't just have a fetish for needy people, you marry them. You mean it! And then time passes and suddenly they're not so needy any more. Your fault. You've been there for them too much, they're getting healthy, independent. And that's just ugly.... You know what you're risking by sleeping with a patient."
    Wilson: "Oh, that's crap. You're not mad because I'm risking my job. You're not even mad because I lied to you. You're mad because I lied to you and you couldn't tell."
    House: "Yeah. You got me nailed."
    Wilson: "Yeah. That's why you didn't want me in your poker game. Because when it comes to being in control, Gregory House leaves our faith healer kid in the dust. And that's why religious belief annoys you. Because if the universe operates by abstract rules you can learn them, you can protect yourself. If a Supreme Being exists he can squash you any time he wants."
    House: "He knows where I am." [#219]
  • Wilson: "I've got to be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience."
    House: "No one enjoys—"
    Wilson is objecting to the way House is dealing with a patient who can't feel pain: "You're studying her...."
    House: "I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous."
    Wilson: "I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats." [#314]
What Dr. Wilson thinks about the friendship and how House responds:
  • A patient (asking Wilson about House): "Does he care about you?"
    Wilson: "I think so."
    The patient: "You don't know?"
    Wilson: "As Dr. House likes to say, 'Everybody lies.'"
    The patient: "It's not what people say, it's what they do."
    Wilson [after thinking for a moment]: "Yes, he cares about me." [#101]
Explanations Wilson Offers Others about House
  • About a patient: "She's not just a file to him anymore. He respects her." [#101]
  • Cameron: "Did he just turn on the TV?"
    Wilson: "He's got to think." [#101]
  • "He likes puzzles.... he hates [patients], and he's fascinated by them." [#106]
  • Wilson to House who has been needling him about a possible affair: "Does it occur to you that maybe there's some deeper guidance than keep your mouth shut? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That maybe... maybe I'm going through something that I need to have an actual conversation about?"
    House: "Does it occur to you that if you need that kind of a friend, that you may have made some deeper errors." [#214]
What House says about the two of them.
  • House: "I'm a night owl. Wilson's an early bird. We're different species."
Advice Wilson Gives House
  • Wilson: "You know why people are nice to other people?"
    House: "Oh, I know this one. Because people are good, decent and caring. Either that, or people are cowards. If I'm mean to you, you'll be mean to me. Mutually assured destruction."
    Wilson: "Exactly...."
    House: "You gonna get to your point?"
    Wilson: "You need people to like you."
    House: "I don't care if people like me."
    Wilson: ..."Yes. But you need people to like you because you need people. Unless you think you can get the next court order yourself. If Stacy can't trust you, you can't use her. And that's not even dealing with the greater agenda — of getting her to dump her husband and fall in love with you all over again." [#201]
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