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Second Season Episodes ::  #219 "House vs God"

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Season Two
Available in White (above)
And Black
And Ash Grey
April 25, 2006
Written By / Directed By
Doris Egan / John F. Showalter
The patient of the week
Boyd, a teenage faith healer.
How House gets involved
The mis-diagnoses
No actual mis-diagnoses, although they do diagnose two other conditions before they finally figure out what has sent the patient to the hospital. And as Chase says (about House's need to prove that House's patient didn't "cure" Wilson's terminal cancer patient) "This is insane, we're diagnosing a recovery."
The privacy invasion / ethical breach
Chase goes to Wilson patient's home to see what might have shrunk her tumor. Wilson is sleeping with his patient, a major ethical breach.
The final diagnosis
Herpes encephalitis, which the boy got from sex and gave to Wilson's patient, Grace, and it shrank her tumor.
The clinic patient(s)
The points of House vs God
God's points
  1. "God tells Boyd" that Cameron is mad at Foreman
  2. Boyd makes Grace feel better.
  3. Grace's tumor shrink.
House's points
  1. Diagnosing Boyd's low sodium from his excessive water drinking.
  2. Discovering the tuberous sclerosis.
  3. Discovering the herpes encephalitis
As House says (when it is two/two), "Tie goes to the mortal."
Season Two
The second season of HOUSE premieres Tuesday, Sept. 13 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Hugh Laurie as Dr. Greg House.
Credit: Michael Lavine/FOX.
Additional information on this episode:

Cast: Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House; Lisa Edelstein as Dr. Lisa Cuddy; Omar Epps as Dr. Eric Foreman; Robert Sean Leonard as Dr. James Wilson; Jennifer Morrison as Dr. Allison Cameron; Jesse Spencer as Dr. Robert Chase.

Guest Cast: Thomas Dekker as Boyd; William Katt as Walter; Tamara Braun as Grace; Sandra Marshall as Agnes; Marco A. Martinez as Dry Cleaner; Michael Edwin as Tax Accountant; David Cheaney as Bus Stop; Will Rogers as Pastor

Quotes, Quotations, Dialogue:
  • House: "God talks to him?"
    Chase: "It's not psychosis, he's just religious. The only medical issue that showed up on the blood work is low sodium."
    House: "No, you talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic."
    Chase: "A lot of people experience their religion as something more than symbolic. That doesn't mean that—"
    House: "God ever talk to you when you were in the seminary?
    Chase, after a pause and a laugh: "No."
    House: "God's loss, our gain. He's either psychotic or a scam artist."
    Foreman: "He was actually, really impressive."
    House: "Well yeah, with the burning bush and all. It's quite the show."
    Cameron: "He was intelligent, polite, dignified. He's not a typical 15 year old."
    Foreman: "And he told Cameron God wants her to stop being pissed at me over the article."
    House: "God knows you stole Cameron's article?"
    Foreman: "He knows she's 'harboring vengeful thoughts'."
    Cameron: "I'm over it."
    House: "Yeah. I can tell that from the Berlin Wall of body language between you. I'm shocked that he picked up on it."
  • Chase, with disbelief: "You're going to talk to a patient?"
    House: "God talks to him. It would be arrogant of me to assume that I'm better than God." House goes to the patient's room. "So. You're a faith healer. Or is that a pejorative? Do you prefer something like 'divine health management'? I thought God might have mentioned I was coming."
    Boyd: "I'm Okay with 'faith healer', Doctor House."
    House: "Oh! That's a nice one. You didn't even go with 'I see an H and a medical coat'."
    Boyd: "The nurses talk about you a lot."
    House: "Ah. Don't believe them. I keep a sock in my pants. 'Faith' that's another word for ignorance, isn't it? I never understood how people could be so proud of believing in something with no proof at all. Like that's an achievement."
    Boyd: "God's asking for our trust. You can't love somebody and not trust them."
    House: "Trust has to be earned. You can't trust someone hiding in a closet."
    Boyd: "You don't trust anyone."
    House: "You seem lucid. There's no confusion, no lethargy. What drugs have you been taking?"
    Boyd: "Nothing. Some aspirin, I get focused on something, I forget to eat. Next thing you know I've got a hunger headache."
    House: "So aspirin and hospitals are okay. That's an interesting attitude for someone who's keep any number of people from getting medical help."
    Boyd: "Just because I believe in prayer, doesn't mean I don't believe in germs and toxins."
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    House, to Wislosn about his patient: "He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives by watching, listening, deducing."
    Wilson: "And you're worried about trademark infringement?"
    House: "Then he passes on advice from God so he can watch them jump. It's a power trip."
    Wilson: "Oh, and there the similarities end—"
    House: "I fear for the human race. A teenager claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening."
    Wilson: "The majority of Americans believe in a personal God.... You just brought me out here to rant because faith annoys you?"
    House: "...You know I get it, people are just looking for a way to fill the holes. But they want the holes. They wanna to live in the holes. And they go nuts when somebody else pours dirt in their holes."
  • Boyd, in response to House's question about how he knows what happens to people after he leaves: "God told me."
    House: "See, that's not fair. We were having fun! It's hard to keep sniping rationally when you throw a bomb like that in there."
    Boyd: "He spoke with me about you, too."
    House: "Forgive my enemies? Never date a Taurus when Mercury's in retrograde. Yeah, I learned that one myself, the hard way."
    Boyd: "God says you look for excuses to be alone."
    House: "See, that is exactly the kind of brilliance that sounds deep, but you can say that about any person who doesn't pine for the social approval of everyone he meets. Which you were cleverly able to deduce about me by not being a moron. Next time tell God to be more specific."
    Boyd: "God wants you to invite Dr Wilson to your poker game."
  • House: "Pick any random guy off the street.Bring him in here, examine him exhaustibly and you will find at least three things wrong with him. This kid has tuberous sclerosis: a mild case."
    Cameron: "But his tumors are growing."
    House: "We assumed that the tumors are growing. Because he's getting sicker. But he could have grown old and died and never known about them if he hadn't come here. We were looking for something that's more or less in the right part of the brain. It's like we found someone standing over a dead body holding a gun. We arrested them, didn't look any further. Well, sometimes, people really do just stumble into a murder scene."
    Foreman: "His fever's 103 and rising. If we don't do anything, he's going to be chatting with God face to face real soon."
    House: "Fevers don't come from a long term underlying condition. He's a garden variety religious nut who happens to have an infection...."
    A little while later, House turns to Wilson to convince the faith healer to get a couple of tests: "Wilson! ...I need you to do your thing."
    Wilson: "You do know that I don't actually have magical powers."
    House: "I have faith."
    Wilson: "You're better off trying to slip some antibiotics into a meal—"
    House: "Which antibiotics? We don't know what infection he's got."
    Wilson: "Go as broad as you can."
    House: "Forget it. Our best hope is your silver tongue."
    Wilson: "What if it's not an infection?"
    House: "Were you not paying attention when I was doing my murder scene metaphor?"
    Wilson: "What if the tubular sclerosis is guilty? It had the gun in it's hand. It was standing—"
    House: "Doesn't cause fever."
    Wilson: "It causes everything else. What if the fever is the innocent bystander? Fever could have been set off by something he picked up anywhere. Could have been a bug he got here."
    House: "Or a bug he gave here. [A light bulb goes off over House's head] He gave it to your patient. That's why her tumor shrank. The virus went after the cancer first."
    Wilson: "Are you saying a virus attacked your tumor?"
    House: "For two hundred years, there were reports of wild viruses that target tumors. Early 1900s an Italian medical journal wrote up a woman with cervical cancer who was injected with a weak strain of rabies. I've no idea why they did that, but her tumor shrank."
    Wilson: "You think he gave her rabies?"
    House: "One of the virus types most prone to go after cancer cells is herpes."
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    House to Chase about the score that is written on the WhiteBoard: "You're not going to give me my final point?"
    Chase: "You knew it was me?"
    House: "Who else?" [Chase adds a point.] "You don't think God should get a point knocked off?"
    Chase: "The tumor shrank."
    House: "Because of a virus."
    Chase: "Do you know what the odds are? She had to have the right type of cancer. He had to have the right type of virus. The exposure—"
    House: "She won the lottery."
    Chase: "You say 'won the lottery', he says — miracle."
    House: "Yeah, the hand of God reached into this kid's pants, made him have sex so he could scratch a rash, stick his fingers in some woman's face, give her a few extra months. Come on. He's just another liar and manipulator."
    Wilson: "Well nobody's as perfect as you are. It is possible to believe in something and still fail to live up to it."
See more quotations from this episode in these pages:
House and Wilson
House Rules
House and Chase
Cameron and Foreman

Quotations, etc. Copyright Heel & Toe Productions, Bad Hat Harry Productions, et al.
Pictures from the show copyright Fox Broadcasting Corporation
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