Noah, Noah Drake

I have THE biggest fangirlie crush on Rick Springfield.

Not like Hugh Laurie or Ben Browder. I mean, let's get real.

But RS? Is freakin' hawt.

Way to go, man!

Update? Yeah. Reality check.

Er, Noah is trying to convince Patrick that he's sober. He is but also meets up with something or other that causes him to go to the hospital and look suspicious.

Emily and Sonny play tonsil hockey AGAIN.

Ew.

Again.

Jason has a wonderful scene where he tells Sonny off.

Again.

Luke and a monkey.

Whatever.

But the most important thing is that Robert Scorpio is back and HOTTER than ever! He looks great and he's wonderful and perfect and everything you could ever want and......

I just had an infarction.

Happy Robbie Burns' Night!

Happy Robbie Burns' Night, everyone!

For those playing the home game, tonight is the anniversary of the Patron Poet of Scotland's birthday.

I've been cooking up the haggis and the cock-a-leekie soup and the shortbread all darned day and the guests are about to arrive.

I saw the soap today but only fleetingly.

My understanding is that Dr. Buttmunch is going to collect on his debt from Littlest Dr. Robin. (Manny was shot in the courthouse.....we find out later, by Alcazar) and had to be operated on. Dr. Buttmunch's attitude was all, "Saved his life once. Not doin' it twice" until he got the Littlest Doctor to agree to a date.

Fine.

Whatever.

Lukas is outed as gay and his Mother, Bobbie, has asked him to go into counselling. He does so and the shrink (Laney) tells him he's more well adjusted than most kids his age and to go out and live his life.

That was really cute. Awwwww.

Carly might have gotten it through the Pwincess's tiny brain that Sonny = Bad News. Is Carly in it just for herself? I'm not sure. She's got a whole bunch of motives goin' on here. Most of which is a Divine Attachment to the Borg, "Um"ily's brother. The gist of it is......"I love Jason. Sonny is bad for you. Jason adores you, his little sister. If Sonny gets you caught in the crossfire that will hurt Jason and, in turn, hurt me."

Less noble motives mean that it leaves Sonny "wimminless" and God forbid that. He might just go back to Carly.

Let's see. Lorenzo and Skye have a chaste date.

Again.

Fine.

Whatever.

The Teenybots get one over on Tracy but I was haggis-ing at the time and missed most of that...which is a shame because every last one of them is a hoot.

Back in the fray.

So.

Nothing more on the GH/House connection but here's the update on GH.

Manny's trial continues and he's released to a holding room where he's shot.

Sam is accused.

(Makes sense.)

But, turns out it was Alcazar who did it. He wants Manny to become his "Jason".

Speaking of whom. He tells Sonny that the whole "Um" ily thing is revolting. But only with body language.

In oratory, he tells Sonny that Alcazar needs to be liquidated.

In the Gay News....Lucas' mother, Bobbie, tells him naturally that she's setting him up for councelling. The Teenybots are immediately offended......"Gay doesn't mean mental!" but Bobbie's point is that Lucas has been confuzzled and distant for ages. A little "how do you feel" from an objective observer moment couldn't hurt.

It's grown up versus teenybot and Bobbie wins that one.

PS: The Golden Globes RAWK.

Catching Up is Fun to Do!

Lame title, I know. Sorry.

Nothing much is going on in the House/GH crossover world right now given that we're on yet another hiatus. (I'm not complaining because I know the FarScape dudes had it much worse than we do...with hiatus-es and everything---but, damn, I'm ready for Stacy-of-the-Plastic-Face to make her exit so we can get on with life.)

Speaking of soap operas, GH kicked into a little bit of a higher gear yesterday so I'll summarize.

In a really toxic mess of unlimited stupidity, Emily & Sonny (a birthday dinner for the Pwincess of Um), Courtney & Nikolas (she very hormonal and pregnant) and Jax & Carly (co-owners and supervising the place) all end up in the dining room of the MetroCourt together.

(Are they, please, going to change the stupid name of the hotel? Pretty please?)

Carly and Jax just giggle as the sparks start to fly. (Carly's motivation here is a bit of a chess game...she wants Nikolas and Courtney to break up so that Nikolas can go back to Emily..thereby freeing up Sonny for her, Carly, to swoop down upon and reclaim as her own. Jax wants all of this to happen solely because he wants Courtney back so they can have their child together.)

Nikolas can't take his eyes off of Umily. Sonny couldn't care less. Umily is nervous and goofy. Because she's a CHILD, you pedophile. GAH. Sonny makes my skin crawl. ANYway, Courtney gets all hormonal and makes a huge scene and leaves the hotel.

Carly (see above motivations) convinces Courtney that it is time to split town until the lump is born. Courtney agrees but not after a showdown with "Um" ily who does smack her down, stops "umming" for 5 seconds and doesn't point her pointy nasty fingers with the horrible silk wrap French manicure at Courtney which is this actress' usual choices for mannerisms during angry outbursts.

It was quite good and a bit refreshing to see her capable of good acting for a moment but I'd sure sue the manicurist.

Courtney writes two fairwell letters...one to Jax and one to Nikolas....While she's out doing some convenient plot contrivance (we find out in a sec), Jax comes in and finds the letters. Because he's a dick, he reads both of them even though one is not addressed to him. GAH. He makes me sick.

Then, Courtney is in the park at night, AGAIN, and meets up with a despondant Nikolas. She smacks him down and breaks up with him.

Jax is the next to lay into poor Nikolas.

Remember that scene in Airplane! where the people line up to slap the nun? Yeah. Like that.

Courtney ends up in South Carolina in a rented house (hee) (sorry) that Carly set up for her. Next thing you know, she's kidnapped and chained to a cot.

Did I mention the fact that Helena is still slithering around out there? BWAHAHAHA. I'd suggest that I should write this schlock but it's pretty pathetic when you can offend yourself.

Yes, Helena Cassedine has kidnapped Courtney while back in Port Charles the only people who know where she is are Jax and Carly......'cause for some unGodly reason, Carly told him.

Jax, the White Knight (dick) shows up in the SC house and realizes Courtney went....but not without a fight.

=========================

In other news, this really pathetically legally challenged show is holding the Manny Ruiz trial. We have insider information that he really is faking his "new leaf" because Sam confronted him about it and he caved. But, her recording cell phone broke and she has no evidence.

Instead, what is going on is that Jason's accident, brain damage and subsequent total change of personality (what Ruiz is trying to capitalize on and duplicate in himself) is more on trial than Ruiz is and Jason isn't even THERE.

GAH. The actor takes a few days off and since he can't be on screen we still have to hear about him and make him the center of attention.

====================

Lastly, and this is just sad, Lucas gets picked up at Jake's (which is ridiculous because it's a dive bar and no one should trust anyone who picks you up from that joint) only to discover the guy is in fact a gay basher who bashes Lucas' head in.

The Scoobies save him and our intrepid Detective Jesse agrees to go undercover and pop the guy himself.

Maxie screws it up and Lucas decides he has to take the situation into his own hands.

He finds Bad Dude back at Jake's and we end with Lucas beating the crap outta the dude with a pool cue.

Fin.

Friday's Child is Full of.....

Yeah, so there was an episode of GH on Friday.

Huh. Go figure.

Nothing much happened.

Just to set the record straight, Jax, the dick, did change the DNA test on the latest WTD Plot Contrivance but the second test (the one he didn't know about) was valid. All roads at this moment point to Jax' appendage as the offending member.

That's not to say that we need to forget this is a soap opera and that Helena Cassedine is slithering around free. Nikolas claims he locked her up in a Swiss asylum but we've seen her slink out of more confining places before.

My bet is that the "writers" on this show want a new generation of Cassedines and we're ultimately going to find out that Courtney's "bundle o' joy" is, in fact, Rosemary's baby.

Er, so to speak.

Which is totally cool. We've got the brilliant (brilliant, brilliant, did I say brilliant?) Julie Berman as the newest little Spencer. We've got Maxie and Mini as the newest Scorpios. We've got Dillon, the newest Quartermaine and Lucas (God, let him stay around....I know the actor is afraid of getting typecast as a young homosexual but....live with it, kid, the show needs you) as the newest....er, cousin Spencer.

God knows Sonny has been populating all of Port Charles for the past few years.

This show needs a Cassedine and, quite honestly, a Morgan.

I can't wait to see what toxic genetic mix Alexis and Ric managed to create in Molly...the newest Cassedine with a sprig of BSC* Ric thrown in the recipe.

I say, "Sew those seeds, people! Get to it! There's work to be done and babies to be born!"


*Acronym time: Convenient Plot Device is also known as the CPD. BSC stands for Batshit Crazy. WTD is the greatest CPD ever, Who's the Daddy? Somewhere back down the road, I posted an acronym helper....maybe in November?

Sex Sells

Playboy! House and GH rated Playboy! Wheeeeeee!

http://www.hughlaurie.net/playboy.html

Page 2 last column.

Interesting to read that GH wouldn't give them the rights to show the soap. I'm not surprised that they wouldn't ('cause, to quote the good doctor, they're idiots) but I'm surprised they are that stupid.

Jax is a Rat

It's confirmed. Jax definitely swapped the DNA test on the MiracleChild Courtney is carrying.

For some inexplicable reason, in the middle of the night, Courtney was at the hospital for a sonagram (wha?) when the Evil Dr. Meadows emerged from her coma. She immediately called for Courtney (wha?) and revealed the truth.

Later, in the dead of night, Courtney confronts Jax with her new information while casually strolling through the park. (wha?)

(This show is so challenged but timing issues are more comical than annoying.)

If nothing else, the news is good that there will be a Cassedine heir. Huzzah! Just what the world needs. More evil.

On the squiky, creepy vile Sonny/"Um"ily side of the storyline: He let's her down easy. Thank the Maker. She slinks off embarrassed and sets her sights on Patrick Drake for "just some dinner dates and movies, ya know? Nothin' serious."

Hon? If ~my~ sights were set on Patrick Drake it would mean a LOT more than dinner and a movie! Well, okay, I have my standards. I might wait until the second date but I'm not betting money on it.

grrrrrrrowl

He's a keeper.

(Someone in the casting department definitely put down the crack pipe because in the past few months we've been graced with Julie Berman (Lulu), Jason Thompson (Patrick Drake) and the return of veterans Kimberly McCullough (Robin Scorpio), Rick Springfield (Noah Drake) and a rumour of the return of Tristan Rogers (Robert Scorpio.) Cool.)

Forgiveness is a Virtue

Okay, so yesterday I was a little upset with GH.

Ahem.

I did, in my blind rage, forget to mention some absolutely beautiful work done by Luke (Anthony Geary) and Lulu (Julie Berman). She is a Goddess.

On Thursday's episode, Luke was having a parenting crisis that ended with him crying to Lulu, "What do you want from me!?" Lulu's unguarded response was equally emotional, "I want my MOTHER!"

It tore your heart out.

On Friday's episode, Luke took Lulu to see Laura at Ferncliff Asylum.

Luke visits once a week. Lulu is so visibly shaken that she tells Luke she'll never return.

They end up in a diner and Luke reminisces about how important diners were in his life with Laura, Lucky and, eventually, even little Lulu.

Lulu, still in wonderment at the circumstances her Father and Mother have ended up in, finally reveals that there is one other little thing that bothers her....will she end up losing her mind like her Mother did?

The next scene is why Tony Geary has enough Emmys to line an entire wall.

Luke gets the most sublime smile on his face and, while waxing lovingly about his divine Laura, he assures young Lulu that she has something Laura never had to protect her.....Spencer genes.

He tells Lulu that she's got that spark. She's got more of it that even Lucky has. And that star is going to protect her through thick and thin.

And he's right. Not only has the One Good Writer given Lulu a fantabulous character but the actress has sold it....hook, line and sinker.

It was a lovely and perfect scene from soup to nuts and it's why I keep coming back to the show. Thank you, writers, for not messing that up. And thank you Geary and Berman for such a wonderful performance.

PS: Speaking of Berman. Could she be a Berman as in Rick Berman? That Berman?

Harder than Corundom.

http://www.24carat.co.uk/hardnessmohsscaleframe.html

GAH, when GH is bad, it's so hard to write about it.

So I'll make it brief.

Young "Houseian" Doctor Buttmunch (who is totally growing on me and has now earned his name, Patrick) talks his amazingly fabulous if damaged dad to call the rehab clinic.

I know it's supposed to be Rick Springfield's last day but, God willing, they bring him back because he's freakin' awesome.

So, Noah Drake is off to rehab while his slimy but cool son, Patrick, is trying to make it with every female who has a pulse. If I were Lucas, I'd keep my head down, too.

Robin Scorpio, the HIV+ urchin and general know-it-all busibody is doing what she does best....traipsing around Port Charles late at night dropping in on unsuspecting people and telling them how to live their lives while neglecting her own.

As a bit of a cumuppance, she alights on Carly's new doorstep only to encounter Patrick already there (he was making a HOUSE call.....shout out! for Michael who had a dip in the lake. More on that in a second.....if I can keep my lunch down.)

Patrick, following Carly's lead, plants a wet one on Carly's smackeroo and shocks Robin's sensibilities. Good for you, Patrick! Robin? Here's a clue. Go home and mind your own business.

Just before harassing Carly, Robin spent some quality time with Jason and Sam...telling Jason what she will say in the Manny Ruiz deposition and telling him off about his past with her. In some ways she's right to tell the sanctimonious hitman off ("sanctimonious" and "hitman" are two words just begging to be told off) but in other ways she's totally out of line.

Did Jason lie about Michael's paternity? Yes. Did Robin stick her nose in his business and tell the real Father (Jason's brother, AJ) and thereby a) go against Jason's obvious wishes and b) ruin the child's life? Yes.

So, Robin? Take your stupid nose ring and go away.

=====

Once again, because apparently the child is too stupid to live and God is trying to tell him something, Michael Corinthos has his annual tumble into the frozen lake.

Sadly for all of us, not only does the demon spawn live but, he's saved by none other than the "happen to be passing by" Emily.

Right.

The result is a disgusting slurping scene between Emily and Sonny. This time it's not one of the "brain dead please oh please don't become a doctor" Emily's fantasies. It's real.

She's curled up in front of the fire warming up and Sonny comes in to thank her for saving Michael from the briny deep.

sigh

What has happened to my soap?

I'm gonna rant for a second. I recommend earplugs.

[rant]

One of my favourite scenes of all time out of modern GH is the one where Jason and Courtney (doing a fabulous homage to La Femme Nikita) had fallen in love. Jason knew Sonny would never approve of his pristine little blonde ingenue of a sister falling for a big ole dangerous hit man....so they kept on the QT until one wintry night they decided it was time to let Sonny in on the secret.

They drove up to the cabin in the woods where Sonny had romantically taken his wife Carly for a weekend.

On the way they careened off the road. Jason almost died. In a marvelous turn, he told Courtney that ever since his brain damage, he's never been like other people. He is almost impervious to temperature changes, to pain and to sensation. However, he goes on to say, people think he's stoic.....but he's not. He can see inside people; whether they are lying or not; what emotional state they are in. He's more emotional than he ever was before but he knows that he's so dangerous a man that he has to over-control himself.

That was a thing of beauty. The writing was great, the idea was cool and Steve Burton totally sold it.

When they are saved, we discover Jason has had a punctured lung through the entire scene.

O_O

Wow.

He ends up at GH and goes through surgery.

Of course Sonny is at his bedside.

And the very nanosecond Jason is awake, Sonny starts to berate him about his affair with Courtney. He tells him he's too dangerous for Sonny's little sister and that his line of work will never be "okay" enough for her.

He reduces Jason to tears.

It was gut wrenching.

sigh

I have it on tape if anyone wants a copy.

Now?

NOW WHAT DO THESE CRACK MONKEYS GIVE US?!

Jason tells Sonny repeatedly to stay away from his little sister Emily and we end last week with tonsil hockey.

No lung surgery, no "I was on my way to tell you but got in an accident...." No redemption whatsosever. No innocence.

Just, Jason told me not to so I'm gonna. Like a freakin' five year old.

He's just vile. It's okay to say those horrid things to Jason as he's lying on a gurney post surgery but the rules don't apply to Sonny.

Nice way to be a best friend you filth.

It's not only disgusting it's making the character of Sonny Corinthos a flaming asshole hypocrite and insulting the viewing audience as if we couldn't remember some great work done merely a couple of years ago.

[/rant]

GAH.

Now I have to go clean my eyes out with bleach just for remembering Friday's scene.

bleh

Lunch? Meet toilet bowl.

You people writing GH suck.

We Don't Need no Stinkin' Writers!

Sigh.

Now that the New Year is here, the junior varsity GH writers have clearly been put back in the locker room and the regular team is back on the field.

How sad.

Yesterday's show was so awful it's unbelievable.

In happier news, though, I got the Sudoku done in about 5 minutes.