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Third Season Episodes ::  #323 "The Jerk"

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The Jerk
With hopes of generating new symptoms in a 16-year-old chess prodigy patient, House (Hugh Laurie) challenges him to a game of chess in the HOUSE episode "The Jerk" airing Tuesday, May 15 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
Credit: Isabella Vosmikova/FOX.
May 15, 2007
Written by
Leonard Dick
Directed by
Daniel Sackheim
Music (as the Mushroom trip starts):
Iron Butterfly: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"
Close enough to summer time that the clinic patient got a sunburn while out on a boat.
How House gets involved:
Chase brings in the patient.
The patient of the week:
Nate, an obnoxious 16-year-old chess prodigy, goes into a violent rage and develops debilitating headaches
The mis-diagnoses
House assumes Nate has cluster headaches. When Chase suggests Kelley-Seegmiller Disease, House tests the theory by seeing if he can make Nate angry during a chess game.
The privacy invasion / ethical breach
House seems to have sabotaged a job interview Foreman had and then he leaves Foreman doing useless tests instead of telling him the real diagnosis.
The final diagnosis
Hemochromatosis: House comes to this conclusion by remembering that Nate held his chess pieces in an unusual way.
Who figures out other things?
  • Who first suggests the correct diagnosis? Cameron brings it up early on but House has been assuming that the personality problems the teenager has is part of his disease and it isn't.
  • Who figures out who sabotaged Foreman's interview? Chase, who has the advantage that just about everyone else has been ruled out, figures that it was House.
The clinic patient(s)
A man, who has been badly sunburned, comes in with his son. There are round white marks on his skin and House figures out that the areas were made by coins and even what coins they were.
Other things going on
  • Cuddy says, "I take it you're off your anti-depressants."

Harry Potter
Chase and CameronDrs. Chase and Cameron (Jesse Spencer and Jennifer Morrison) lead the team in a discussion of new symptoms in a 16-year-old patient with behavioral problems in the HOUSE episode "The Jerk" airing Tuesday, May 15 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
Credit: Isabella Vosmikova/FOX.
Harry Potter
Additional Info on "The Jerk":
Cast: Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House; Lisa Edelstein as Dr. Lisa Cuddy; Omar Epps as Dr. Eric Foreman; Robert Sean Leonard as Dr. James Wilson; Jennifer Morrison as Dr. Allison Cameron; Jesse Spencer as Dr. Robert Chase.

Guest Cast: Nick Lane as Nate; Colleen Flynn as Enid; Dustin Joiner as Mark; David Bowe as Doug.
Quotes, Quotations, Dialogue:
  • Foreman accuses House of sabotaging his job interview, but House says, "It wasn't me."
    "Yeah. It was one of the other petty, socially repressed asses I work for...."
    "If you want me to stay, tell me you want me to stay."
    "Would it matter?"
    "No, but it'd be the adult way to handle it."
    "It the adult way doesn't work, why bother with it.... It wasn't' me. I only sabotage people I consider worth it."
  • Season 3 DVD
    Season 3 DVD
    "Symptoms don't lie."
  • Cuddy makes an offer to Foreman, "I'll double your salary."
    "Chase and Cameron would mutiny if they found out."
    "Chase and Cameron wouldn't be heading up their own diagnostic group. You'll work in parallel with House. It'll be your practice. Separate staff, separate cases. Complete autonomy."
    "I've only been doing this for three years."
    "Three years under House. No better training."
    "And when that case comes along that I can't figure out? You know who I'd have to go to."
    "Or you can just let that patient die. That's completely up to you." Foreman refuses.
  • Cuddy decides that it was Wilson and accuses him. "You killed Foreman's job interview."
    "Why would I—"

    "Somebody did. Wasn't me and it wasn't House, which means it has to be somebody who thought he was protecting House, which means it has to be somebody who actually likes House, which means it's either you or the weird night janitor who wears his pants backwards."
    "I want Foreman to leave. House has to realize he needs someone who stands up to him. Cameron's in love with him, Chase is afraid of him, and I enable him. House needs limits.
    "I give him limits." Wilson denies that. "House is a six-year-old who thinks he's better off without parents. A few tummy aches after dinners of ice cream and ketchup might do him some good."
    After thinking for a moment, Cuddy says, "You're lying. An enabler doesn't conspire against, an enabler enables."
  • Wilson decides it could only be Cameron and tries to get her to confess: "Cuddy thinks I sabotaged Foreman's interview. She's gonna fire me."
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    Cameron: "I don't believe it."
    "She said it was unprofessional and—"
    "No, I mean I literally don't believe it. Cuddy wouldn't fire you for something like that. Which means either she lied to you, or you're lying to me."
    Wilson: "You so would have fallen for that three years ago.
    "You were looking for a reaction. You were looking for me to feel bad for you. Save your skin. But how am I gonna save you? Unless— you think I'm the one who really did it."
    Wilson: "Cuddy's logic was Foreman's valuable to House. I care about House. Ergo, I would do anything to save him."
    "And your logic was— I care about House as much as you do, ergo— It wasn't me. I don't care about House."
    Wilson: "I don't believe you."
    "No one does. House is nothing more than my boss. Foreman's nothing more than a colleague."
    "You're lying."
    Cameron: "Everyone does. But it wasn't me."
  • Cameron decides by process of elimination that it must have been Chase and she opens her conversation by telling him: "Foreman's interview in New York got screwed up."
    "I heard."
    "Foreman thought it was House, House thought it was Cuddy. Cuddy thought it was Wilson, Wilson thought it was me."
    "And you think it was me? God— you think I— sabotaged Foreman? I don't even want him here."
    "I know."
    "Then why would I do—?"
    "I think you sabotaged Foreman just to sabotage Foreman."
    "So everyone's a suspect because everyone wants to help House. Except for me. I'm a suspect because I'm a petty, vindictive jerk?"
    "You actually think I would do something like that?
    "It was someone."
    "It wasn't me.... And it's Tuesday."
    "I know."
    "I like you."
    "I know. See you next Tuesday."
See more Quotes on these page(s)
House Rules
Season 2 DVD
Season 2 DVD for UK
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Season 2 DVD
Season 2 DVD
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For an Overview of the music in each episode of the third season, see our Third Season Music Overview page.


Quotations, etc. Copyright Heel & Toe Productions, Bad Hat Harry Productions, et al.
Pictures from the show copyright Fox Broadcasting Corporation
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