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Third Season Episodes ::  #315 "Half-Wit"

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House (Hugh Laurie) is intrigued by a patient, Patrick (guest star Dave Matthews) who is a musical savant in the HOUSE episode
"Half-Wit" airing Tuesday, March 6
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
Credit: Michael Yarish/FOX.
March 6, 2007
Written by
Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by
Katie Jacobs
Music in the Episode
The patient of the week
Patrick Obyedkov, a thirty-five-year-old savant, has dystonia in his left hand. He was in a bus accident when he was ten and with no prior musical training suddenly started playing piano
The mis-diagnoses
At first they think Patrick has a heart problem but their treatment causes cardiac arrest.
The privacy invasion / ethical breach
The final diagnosis
Takayasu's Arteritis, an autoimmune disease. But after they also discover that the Patrick's right brain is virtually brain dead, House talks Patrick's father into allowing them to cut out the dead brain so the left side can be free to find new pathways. It does mean Patrick will lose his musical abilities.
Season 3 DVD
Season 3 DVD
The clinic patient(s)
A woman with a blister on her foot. House diagnoses her as having bulimia.
Unusual situations
When the team thinks House is dying, they react differently:
  • Cameron kisses House with the ulterior motive of trying to get his blood for some tests.
  • Foreman tells House he likes him.
  • Chase hugs House.
Who came up with solutions
  • Chase found the abnormality that led to the right diagnosis of the patient who seemed to have cancer (whose file House was using to fake his own cancer to get into a clinical trial.

Harry Potter
House (Hugh Laurie) and Dr. Foreman (Omar Epps) run tests on Patrick (guest star Dave Matthews), a musical savant in the HOUSE episode "Half-Wit" airing Tuesday, March 6 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Also pictured: Kurtwood Smith.
Credit: Michael Yarish/FOX.
Additional information on this episode:
Cast: Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House; Lisa Edelstein as Dr. Lisa Cuddy; Omar Epps as Dr. Eric Foreman; Robert Sean Leonard as Dr. James Wilson; Jennifer Morrison as Dr. Allison Cameron; Jesse Spencer as Dr. Robert Chase.

Guest Cast: Dave Matthews as Patrick Obyedkov, Kurtwood Smith as Dr. Obyedkov; Dru Mouser as Arlene; Scott Weintraub as Stage Manager; Tyler Patton as Neurosurgeon; Kendra Cover as Patient; Ingid Sanai Buron as Nurse Bev; Bobbin Bergstrom as Nurse
Quotes, Quotations, Dialogue
T-shirts with Houseisms
Cameron asks Foreman, "Do you have any idea why House would wanna go to Boston?"
"The chowder?"
"Plane tickets, this Friday. I opened his mail. I heard there's an opening at Harvard for division chief, Infectious Disease."
"Ambition's not one of his more prominent traits."
  • Cuddy calls a Dr. Medick at Massachusetts General (the team has discovered House has been calling a number there), "If he's not coming there for a job interview, he's either coming to your hospital for a social visit or because he's a patient --- Is it a social visit, Dr. Medick?"
    "I can't stand House. Neither can Dr. Kupersmith."
  • Cameron comes to House. "This is a letter of recommendation. I'm applying for a job at Penn."
    "Thank you for writing your own. Sure my thoughts are beautifully phrased." House signs it without even glancing at what it says.
    "Thank you for signing it. Saves me from having to fake your signature.
    "Stay away from Weiss. He cries with his patients. Holds their hands as they die. He won't like you. Your new-found nonchalance in the face of cancer.
    "I thought you'd find it appealing.
    "Twenty seconds. Pretty good.
    "For what?
    "Time it took you to go from hard-ass to human being.
    "You really wanna leave?
    "If you're not here, there's not much point of staying.
    "I'm not dead yet." Cameron moves close to House. "What're you doing?" She moves even closer. "I know this must be a turn-on for you." Then she kisses him and when she thinks he is concentrating on it, she reaches for a syringe but House catches her hand.
  • TIVO
    Foreman has the results of some tests on the patient but he won't give them to House immediately. "I need to say something."
    "Something personal?"
    "And I can't leave because you got something interesting in that file."
    "Sorry. You're an arrogant ass who makes it impossible for anyone to like him, by punching people who don't deserve—"
    "Can we get to the 'but' part of this speech?"
    "But I like you."
    "No, you don't. You're just reacting to the perception of my death. You need to put things in order. Fear of guilt—"
    "Will you shut up?"
    "See. I annoy you. Now are you gonna give me the results or are we gonna—"
    "Inter-cranial EEG showed no electrical abnormalities."
    "Which means it's autoimmune."
    "No. Also showed his entire right hemisphere is brain-dead."
  • Later House realizes that Chase wants to also relate to the fact that he thinks House is dying. "Your turn?"
    "Do you have to do that?"
    "You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculations that go into it?"
    "Yeah! I do."
    "I'm sorry you're dying. I'm gonna hug you. Anything to say?"
    "Well, if you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish." House starts to talk about the patient while Chase hugs him but then asks, "Are you crying?" Chase denies it.
  • House pounds on Cuddy's door until she finally answers, "It's the middle of the night. You knew I'd be asleep."
    "Phone would have woken you up just as much. I can't see what you're wearing on the phone. My patient with the fifty-five IQ has Takayasu syndrome. Very uncommon. Happens mostly in Asian women."
    "Takayasu is manageable with steroids, which you already know. So, I assume you're here for something else."
    "My patient also has a significant seizure problem."
    "Also manageable with anticonvulsive medication."
    "Yes. He kept taking his anticonvulsive medication, he could go back on tour and play the piano. But a hemispherectomy would completely stop the right-brain seizure activity and he would no longer need to take his anticonvulsive medication."
    "You want to remove half his brain?"
    "The right half. It'd be irresponsible to remove the left."
    "You don't remove half a brain and gain function."
    "Not my brain. But his, who knows? What? Lets say I'm the left side of Patrick's brain, I'm quick-witted, I'm charming, I'm great looking.
    "You're the right side of his brain. You're useless, old, damaged.
    "We go to a bar for a drink. Now, I have the mad skills to be scoring all the hot babes, but instead, I'm spending my time wiping drool off your chin and making sure you don't eat the tablecloth."
    "What's the father want to do?"
    "I don't know."
    "So, go wake him up." She turns away and then turns back, "House, I'm so sorry."
    "Forgot I was dying, huh?"
    "I'm here, if you need me."
    "I need you." She hugs him during which he grabs her ass. "One small feel for man. One giant ass for mankind."
    "Thanks. Good luck in Boston." Cuddy turns to go back to bed and realizes that House is starting to follow her so she cuts off the impulse with, "Call the Make-A-Wish Foundation."
  • The team shows up at House's door in the middle of the night to tell him that he actually doesn't have cancer. His main concern seems to be whether they told the people at Mass General and when he learns the game is up, admits it wasn't his file. Cameron is astonished, "You faked cancer?"
    "The real patient is in the Witherspoon Wing. Feel free to tell his wife he's not gonna die, but he is cheating on her."
    Chase is confused. "Why would you want us to think you—?
    "I didn't!! I wanted the guys at Boston to think that I had cancer. I wanted the guys, who were gonna implant a cool drug right into pleasure center of my brain, to think that I had cancer!"
    Cameron is starting to understand. "You faked cancer to get high?"
    "I'm going to bed."
    Foreman is disgusted. "You're right! I don't like you!"
    House calls back, "Sure. Now that I'm not dying."
  • Dr House Light T-Shirt

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    Later Wilson asks House, "How depressed are you?"
    "I'm not depressed."
    "You faked cancer."
    "It was an outpatient procedure. I was curious."
    "Are you curious about heroin?"
    "Not since last year's Christmas party. Whoof!" He then goes back to being serious. "I know this goes against your nature, but can we not make too much of this?"
    "You made people think that you were going to die!
    "I didn't make them! I tried to hide it! You idiots needed to get into my business."
    Wilson starts laughing. Curiosity gets the best of House. "I'm sure I'll regret asking, but why are you laughing?"
    "It's ironic."
    "I'm sure I'll regret asking, but why?"
    "Depression in cancer patients. It's not as common as you think. It's not the dying that gets to people. It's the dying alone. The patients with family, with friends— they tend to do okay. You don't have cancer. You do have people who give a damn. So what do you do? You fake the cancer, then push the people who care away."
    "Because they're boring. Go home to your hotel room and laugh at that irony."
    "Start small, House. Take a chance. Maybe something that doesn't involve sticking stuff in your brain. Pizza with a friend. A movie. Something."
  • Season 2 DVD
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    Season 2 DVD
    Season 2 DVD
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    For an Overview of the music in each episode of the third season, see our Third Season Music Overview page.


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    Pictures from the show copyright Fox Broadcasting Corporation
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